7475814     WHAT A FEELING-2

How do I bridge the gap between wanting to get sober and giving myself to a full and complete surrender?  Alcoholics and addicts find it difficult to admit the truth of their powerlessness and to save their lives by surrendering to God, treatment and a new sober way of life.  Thousands of addicts have gone to their deaths believing that they can control the very chemicals that have destroyed their lives, their relationships, their careers and their health.  Denial, rebelliousness and voracious addiction keep the addict under the thumb of  the disease.  No progress towards sobriety can be made until the gap is crossed and the addict can leave the horror of active addiction behind him, and reach out for help like a drowning man reaching for a life ring thrown to him by recovering addicts.  Three things sit on the neck of the drowning addict:  Denial, the mental obsession to use chemicals and the physical craving.

The bridge between wanting to get sober and giving ourselves to a full and complete surrender is, God, other recovering addicts and sometimes family members.  The bridge is a spiritual bridge between our old self and our new self.  Our very lives depend upon it.  What is the magic switch or mechanism that brings us to the edge of death, only to humble ourselves and surrender?  Two things are in play here.  First, pain is a great teacher and pain is what tips the scales and forces us into a decision for either life or death.  I believe that it is God who helps us choose life instead of death.  At the end of my 28 year addictive journey, I was living outside on the streets and sleeping in an electrical utility closet in an alley  behind my favorite bar.  I had pancreatitis from alcohol poisoning, I had lost 35 pounds, my nerves were shattered and my mind was weak and confused.  My emotions were like a mine field full of constant fear, anger, rage, hurt and loneliness.  The disease of addiction and my own poor choices had brought me to a living nightmare.  I have never felt so lost and helpless ever.  Overwhelmed with fear and a crushed spirit, I finally surrendered to Jesus with a simple prayer,”Jesus please help me”.   I had arrived at the turning point of my life.  I had two options: continue killing myself with chemicals or reach out for help and the promise of a new life.  As the first step of AA states, “We admitted that we were powerless over alcohol–that our lives had become unmanageable.”  My life was more than unmanageable and I was ready for a solution to my addiction.

So literally, Jesus was my bridge to freedom and sobriety.  So if you or your friend or your family member are standing on the edge of the bridge, please remember that nothing can be done about the past except to make restitution as best we can.  We must not carry the burden of our past failures.  We must continue on in faith.  We can be made whole and free, even though we have created a lot of wreckage.  We are not alone anymore.  We have God and our fellow recovering addicts to show us the way day by day.  Life is better than death and in our new lives, we will be given the privledge of helping to save the lives of other addicts as they bridge the gap between life and death.  There is no more powerful and loving feeling than to help one addict and then see that recovering addict go out and help many other addicts and we see God’s love demonstrated right in front of us, like the ripples from a stone thrown into a lake.  The ripples that come from love have no end, and they multiply from one person to another.  This is the intersection of miracles, where “dead” people come back alive to save others.

So my message to you is to surrender and get sober and then surrender again each day to who God wants you to be.  Jesus has a purpose for each of our lives and we will be much happier when we follow it.  Today, I am beginning to see the plan that Jesus has had for me before I was born.  I can now see how my 28 years of pain and addiction can now help to save the lives of other addicts. What seemed like a meaningless nightmare, now has purpose and I can make sense of my life and feel at peace.  The Big Book of Alcoholics Anonymous lifts us up with these promises on page 84 in the “Into Action” chapter:  ” If we are painstaking about this phase of our development (Steps 1-9 completed), we will be amazed before we are half way through.  We are going to know a new freedom and a new happiness.  We will not regret the past nor wish to shut the door on it.  We will comprehend the word serenity and we will know peace.  No matter how far down the scale we have gone, we will see how our experience can benefit others.  That feeling of uselessness and self-pity will disappear.  We will lose interest in selfish things and gain interest in our fellows.  Self-seeking will slip away.  Our whole attitude and outlook upon life will change.  Fear of people and of economic insecurity will leave us.  We will intuitively know how to handle situations which used to baffle us.  We will suddenly realize that God is doing for us what we could not do for ourselves.  Are these extravagant promises?  We think not.  They are being fulfilled among us–sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  They will always materialize if we work for them.”

Choose life and choose to help others.

Peace, Love and Blessings to you!

 

 

 

About The Author

Robert J. Allison lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife Rochelle Allison. Robert survived a 28-year battle with chemical dependency, including 13 chemical dependency treatment centers and homelessness. He surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and began his new life of faith and contented sobriety. Robert has been blessed with 18 years of sobriety and with his new freedom he now is helping other addicts to find peace, faith and the priceless gift of sobriety.

Girl doing yoga at sunset on the beach in Sri Lanka

“Be still, and know that I am God!  I will be honored by every nation.  

I will be honored throughout the world.  

The Lord of Heaven’s Armies is here among us; the God of Israel is our fortress.”  Psalm 46:10-11

Lately, I have become increasingly aware of and distressed by the fast, hectic and chaotic pace of modern life fragments and distorts communication between people. Half spoken sentences shouted to loved ones as we rush out the door, knowing that we have not taken the time to love as we should.  We rush, rush, rush blindly into a new day.  We decide not to take a “quiet time” of prayer and meditation, because we have too much to get done and we are running late, again.  When we allow the world’s demands and expectations to run our lives we are saying no to our own spirits and what we need to do to maintain and build our inner peace and strength.  The reality is that if we take fifteen minutes to do our meditation and prayer, we are spiritually stronger and and well protected for the events of the new day.  We only hurt ourselves by denying ourselves the spiritual food that prayer and meditation gives us.

So why do we skip prayer and meditation?  One common reason is our laziness and failure to manage our time.  A more mysterious and insidious reason is that we have swallowed and internalized the lies that corporate America has sold to its employees.  Their message is clear and pervasive:   You work for us and we own your time, your talent and we control how much money you can make, we tell you when and for how long you take for vacations.  Our priorities are now your priorities and our priorities must take precedence over any thing else.  If you don’t like it, then we will fire you and find someone else to take your job.  You are completely replaceable and you have no value as an individual.  You are a function in a well oiled machine and you must perform at the highest level or you are gone.  You are a few drops of water in a swiftly moving river of employees that come and go according to our wishes.  We might say that we care about your health and your spiritual condition and that we respect what you believe in and value, but that is just window dressing to attract new employees.  We care about one thing and one thing only: profits.  If you do not make us money, you are gone.  We can put a high level of pressure on you because you are easily replaced, even though we tell you how invaluable you are to the organization.  We can chew you up and spit you out because we can.  We, the corporation, hold all the cards.  You see, corporations like to break people down so they can control us.  It is all about control.  This is why corporate life or working for an organization can be diminishing, humiliating, deflating, depressing– because our spirits are being assaulted.  There is no freedom, only bondage.

So the next time you are about to skip your prayer and meditation and rush out into a world that is not your friend, think about what is more important.  I believe that our spiritual condition, our health, both physically and mentally, is far more important than obeying the ceaseless demands and pressures of a corporation or other organization that has no soul.  Ultimately, our spirits are eternal but corporations come and go and are not even human.  It is almost comical to think of the hoops that organizations try to get us to jump through.   We are all sons and daughters of almighty God and therefore royalty.  There will be no corporations or organizations or businesses or anything but Angels and humans living in Heaven.

For people like myself who are in recovery from chemical dependency and in my case, manic depressive, I owe it to myself to take the time to pray and to meditate.  In fact, it is a lifeline to sobriety.  Every day I must fill up my spiritual gas tank.  I must do this first, before my day starts and I get distracted by this world.  If I am to help other addicts or other people, I must put spiritual strength in my gas tank.  It takes great energy, compassion, love and focus to help another human being.  I want to have this strength and love in my heart.  Nothing is more important than helping and loving others.  This is my purpose in life.  Today, I know that the hell of my 28 years of addiction, one year of homelessness living out on the streets, and my struggles with manic depression enables me to have the love and compassion for others with similar challenges.  When I am following my spiritual path, I become a powerful river for Jesus.  He flows into me and then He flows out of me and into the hearts of others.  Yes, fifteen minutes a day of prayer and meditation can help to prepare all of us to be rivers instead of swamps.

I believe that you will really like my published a book, “Saved By The Prince Of Peace–Dungeon To Sky.”  Please visit my website: dungeontosky.com.  The purpose of my book is to give hope, encouragement, faith and love to the suffering addict who might think that they cannot recover.  My book also helps friends and families of addicts.

Peace, Love and Hope to you!

About The Author

Robert J. Allison lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife Rochelle Allison. Robert survived a 28-year battle with chemical dependency, including 13 chemical dependency treatment centers and homelessness. He surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and began his new life of faith and contented sobriety. Robert has been blessed with 18 years of sobriety and with his new freedom he now is helping other addicts to find peace, faith and the priceless gift of sobriety.

JESUS ON THE CROSS

Here is a powerful paragraph from the AA Twenty Four Hours a Day book:

“There is beauty in a God-guided life.  There is wonder in the feeling of being led by God.  Try to realize God’s bounty and goodness more and more.  God is planning for you.  Wonderful are His ways–they are beyond your knowledge.  But God’s leading will enter your consciousness more and more and bring you ever more peace and joy.  Your life is being planned and blessed by God.  You may count all material things as loss, if they prevent your winning your way to the consciousness of God’s guidance.”

Many of us despair and think our lives are chaotic with no purpose and no final destination.  We feel like unimportant grains of sand on a vast beach, with no impact on the universe.  The truth is that God knew each one of us before we were born, and He designed a life plan and purpose for each one of us.  Each of us has been blessed by God with special spiritual gifts that will enable us to complete our mission.  Often times, we are our own worst enemy.   We reject God’s will for our lives and pursue what the world tells us to do.   We block ourselves from achieving  greater spiritual strength and faith.  We develop interest only in selfish things and we reject helping others.

We close our minds to the invisible world, as we are constantly bombarded with over stimulation in a world that is moving too fast.  “Quiet times and meditation” which are so vital to our spiritual health, are crowded out by the world.  I had a job for ten years ago that was extremely lucrative, but everyday I had an uneasy feeling in the pit of my stomach that was telling me that something was terribly wrong.  The job was in sales and some of what the employer expected us to do, went against my own basic morality.  Many of the people working there had the “golden handcuffs” syndrome.  They felt that the money was so good that they could not justify leaving for another job paying half as much.  So the world was telling them what to do, not their own hearts and consciences.  That job was not God’s will for my life.  There were no opportunities to genuinely help other human beings, and make a positive difference in their spiritual lives. I resigned from that job and published a book, “Saved By The Prince Of Peace–Dungeon To Sky.”  Please visit my website: dungeontosky.com.  The purpose of my book is to give hope, encouragement, faith and love to the suffering addict who might think that they cannot recover.  My book also helps friends and families of addicts.

Here is the full version of the Prayer of St. Francis:

Lord, make me an instrument of Your Peace.  Where there is hatred. let me sow love, where there is injury, pardon, where there is doubt, faith, where there is despair, hope. where there is darkness, light, where there is sadness, joy.

O Divine Master, grant that I may seek not so much to be consoled, as to console; to be understood as to understand, to be loved as to love, for it is in giving that we receive, it is in pardoning that we are pardoned, and it is in dying that we are born to Eternal Life. Amen.”

The material world will always try to pull us away from the spiritual world.  This is the constant battle:  good versus evil, light versus darkness, right versus wrong, helping others versus selfishness and greed.  With God’s help, we can win this battle and complete God’s mission for our lives.  We know when we are on the right track.

Peace and Blessings to you!

About The Author

Robert J. Allison lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife Rochelle Allison. Robert survived a 28-year battle with chemical dependency, including 13 chemical dependency treatment centers and homelessness. He surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and began his new life of faith and contented sobriety. Robert has been blessed with 18 years of sobriety and with his new freedom he now is helping other addicts to find peace, faith and the priceless gift of sobriety.

FIRE     Power (1)

WHAT A FEELING-2     JESUS ON THE CROSS

after-falling-650    Ephesians-1-11-12

 

“Jesus died so that you and I could be reconciled.” 2 Corinthians 5:18-19
“His death was the ultimate expression of my love for you.” 1 John 4:10
“I gave up everything I loved that I might gain your love.” Romans 8:31-32

“If you receive the gift of my son Jesus, you receive me.” 1 John 2:23
“And nothing will ever separate you from my love again.” Romans 8.38-39

“Come home and I’ll throw the biggest party heaven has ever seen.” Luke 15:7
“I have always been Father, and will always be Father”. Ephesians 3:14-15
“My question is: Will you be my child?” John 1:12-13
“I am waiting for you.” Luke 15:11-12

The raging problem of addiction to pain killers and subsequent heroin addiction, is sweeping across the United Sates like a wildfire out of control.  The death of Phillip Seymour Hoffman was a tragic loss.  Thousands of addicts die every month, but when someone famous dies of addiction, people finally start to pay attention.  Mr. Hoffman started out with pain killers, and then escalated to the drug that killed him, heroin.

Here is some important information from Time magazine:

What is happening is that people are getting addicted to pain killers and then when their prescriptions run out they are going the the black market and internet to purchase pain killers.  As their tolerance for the drug increases, they must do more to get the same high.  They are crushing and dissolving the pills and injecting them directly into their veins.

Time magazine indicates that the CDC has linked outbreaks of the Hepatitis C virus in Kentucky, Tennessee, Virginia and West Virginia and it is spreading rapidly across the country.  There has been a sharp rise in HIV as needles are shared during the injection of dissolved pain killers.

“Of the 9.4 million Americans who take opioids for long term pain, 2.1 million are hooked and are in danger of of turning to the black market.  Four out of five heroin addicts say that they came to the drug from prescription pain killers.”  That is, 80 percent started with pain killers and then escalated to heroin.  “An average of 46 Americans die every day from prescription-opioid overdoses and heroin deaths have more than doubled to 8,000 a year in 2010.”

Heroin doesn’t discriminate.  Its use is up 75% in the past few years.  In reality, Mr. Hoffman struggled with depression most of his life.  Addicts don’t want to be addicts, and addicts don’t want to die.  Drugs are a symptom of an underlying problem.  Phillip’s underlying problem was depression and wanting to feel better.  Addicts “self-medicate” to feel normal or to erase the pain that they feel emotionally, physically or spiritually.  When I was growing up, I felt different, like I was on the outside looking in.  I always wondered if other people felt the way that I did.  I later found out that yes, all of the addicts that I talked to felt like I did.  Addicts are willing to go to any lengths to feel “normal” again.

They experiment with different chemicals or geographical cures or relationships to keep ahead of the pain that chases them.  More than 24 million people aged 12 or older suffer from drug addiction and only 10% get treatment. In the past 20 years, the number of addicts in America has increased by more than 500%.  In high school, I began to experience the symptoms of manic depression, although I had no idea what it was or how it might affect me.  All I knew was that when I smoked marijuana and drank beer, my energy levels increased and I felt calm and powerful.  I no longer felt like I was on the outside looking in.  So for me, chemicals made me feel normal, so I kept on doing them.

Recovery is intense and difficult and joyous all at the same time.  Relapses are part of the disease of addition, but they are not part of recovery.  I went to 13 treatment centers and therefore I had 13 relapses. Each relapse was worse than the last one, because addiction is a progressive disease that never gets better, only worse, as long as the addict continues to use.  Addiction is like buying a ticket for a long painful train ride that has only one final destination—death.  We can get off at any one of the railroad stations along the way, but the longer we wait, the harder it gets.

The disease of addiction is like a living, breathing demon that has but one priority—our slow or our fast destruction.  Recovery involves forgiveness on both sides and patience as the addict comes out of the grip of addiction.  The disease of addiction is mental, spiritual, emotional and physical and it attacks us all at the same time.  The effect is incomprehensible demoralization and the overwhelming of our minds, bodies and spirits.  We will need healing in each of these areas, if we are to get and stay sober and be free once again.

Here is a quote from my published book, “Saved By The Prince Of Peace—Dungeon To Sky”.  From the chapter, “ A Day In The Life”:

“Jesus has given me the strength, courage and faith to move out of this dark place and back into the light of sobriety.”  If I can get sober after 13 treatment centers and one year of homelessness living outside on the streets of Denver, Colorado, then ANYONE CAN GET SOBER!  I Pray that you will receive Peace, Love and Happiness while you help other addicts to live.  Jesus Loves You!

The good news is that I am now helping other addicts to achieve freedom from chemicals and to enjoy a new life of peace and sobriety.  Today, I am helping other addicts by writing blogs, publishing my book, doing public speaking and giving addicts the gift of hope and encouragement.  If I can recover, anyone can recover.  I know, because I have been to Hell and back, and I know the power of Jesus who saved me.

I invite you to read my book.  The title of my published book is:  Saved By The Prince Of Peace—Dungeon To Sky.”

Please visit my websitehttp://www.dungeontosky.com

My Facebook page for the book is:  https://www.facebook.com/dungeontosky

Peace, Love and Hope to you!

Bob Allison

 

About The Author

Robert J. Allison lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife Rochelle Allison. Robert survived a 28-year battle with chemical dependency, including 13 chemical dependency treatment centers and homelessness. He surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and began his new life of faith and contented sobriety. Robert has been blessed with 18 years of sobriety and with his new freedom he now is helping other addicts to find peace, faith and the priceless gift of sobriety.

sunset again 2          WOMAN ROCK CLIMBING (Faith, Confidence and Strength).     Young Hispanic Family Saying Prayers Before Meal At Home     1     ROAD TO RECOVERY SIGN.PICTURE OF FREEDOM FROM CHAINS     IT ALWAYS SEEMS IMPOSSIBLE UNTIL.....

Here is some great wisdom from the AA “Twenty Four Hours A Day” meditation book:

June 4:

“Molding your life means cutting and shaping your material into something good, something that can express the spiritual.  All material things are the clay out of which we mold something spiritual.  You must first recognize the selfishness in your desire and motives, actions and words, then mold that selfishness until it is sublimated into a spiritual weapon for good.  As the work of molding proceeds, you see more and more clearly what must be done to mold your life into something better.”

June 8:

“Your life has been given to you mainly for the purpose of training your soul.  This life we live is not so much for the body as for the soul.  We often choose the way of life that best suits the body, not the way that best suits the soul.  God wants you to choose what suits the soul as well as the body.  Accept this belief and a wonderful molding of character is the result.  Reject it and God’s purpose for your life is frustrated, and your spiritual progress is delayed.  Your soul is being trained by the good you choose.  Thus the purpose of your life is being accomplished.”

There were long days when I looked back over my 28 years of addiction, my one year of homelessness and countless days of addictive torture, and wondered to myself, “What is the purpose of all of this suffering?”  Today, I know that the purpose of all of those years of fear, loneliness, hate, rage, self-destruction, confusion, mania and depression was to bring my soul to the point where I would submit and surrender my life to God, so that He could work miracles in my life and show me how to help others.  Some people can just easily submit and surrender their lives to God, but not me.  I had intellectual pride, stubbornness and a selfishness that made me cold to the feelings of others.  All of the drugs and alcohol that I consumed over the years served to magnify my own character defects and turn me into an addict out of control and bent on self-destruction.  There could be no room for spiritual progress while there was a war raging in my heart.  There was an epic “tug-o-war” being fought in my soul, and I was losing the battle day by day.

How could anything good come from my addictive insanity?  In His great Mercy and Love, Jesus has given me the beautiful gift of sobriety and a new life with new hope and opportunities to help others.  By the Grace of God, today I have 16 years of sobriety and as I look back at the hell I went through, I now understand that it was all a spiritual journey designed for my ultimate good.  I probably could have gotten sober at any of the 13 treatment centers that I went to, but I was not yet ready to surrender, and I was battling not only addiction, but also manic depression.  When I graduated from high school, I never dreamed that my life would be so hard, so frieghtening and that I would become so lost.

I am alive today to encourage you and to show you how Jesus loved me and rescued me from certain addictive death.  I am here to tell you that if I can get sober, anyone can get sober!

The good news is that I am now helping other addicts to achieve freedom from chemicals and to enjoy a new life of peace and sobriety.  Today, I am helping other addicts by writing blogs, publishing my book and giving addicts the gift of hope and encouragement.  If I can recover, anyone can recover.  I know, because I have been to Hell and back, and I know the power of Jesus who saved me.

I invite you to read my book.  The title of my published book is:  “Saved By The Prince Of Peace—Dungeon To Sky.”

Please visit my websitehttp://www.dungeontosky.com

My Facebook page for the book is:  https://www.facebook.com/dungeontosky

Peace, Love and Hope to you!

Bob Allison

 

 

About The Author

Robert J. Allison lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife Rochelle Allison. Robert survived a 28-year battle with chemical dependency, including 13 chemical dependency treatment centers and homelessness. He surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and began his new life of faith and contented sobriety. Robert has been blessed with 18 years of sobriety and with his new freedom he now is helping other addicts to find peace, faith and the priceless gift of sobriety.

Blury image of bottles     Image of hand with stop addiction     Caution sign with drunk man     Man Drinking Bottle     Addiction -- There is a way out. 2

When we help other people we are like the great Cottonwood tree sending our seeds of love, hope, encouragement, courage and faith to a hostile world ruled by fear, hate and death.  As I look out the window right now, it looks like it is snowing with Cottonwood tree seeds floating in the air.  They look like miniature parachutes falling from the sky.

You may have heard this sentence from the Bible:    “……the Spirit who lives in you is greater than the spirit who lives in the world.Because greater is he that is in you, than he that is in the world. … John 4:1-6

Jesus lives in us, and the Holy Spirit lives in us.  When you really think about this, it is mind expanding.  It has been difficult for me to hold this fact in my mind at all times.   When I did remember that Jesus lives inside of me,  I would behave more humbly, more kindly, more honestly in my relationships and interactions with other human beings.  I did not want my sin and bad behavior being so closely observed by God.  God lives inside of us and we belong to Him forever.  If we confess our sins to him, He will forgive us and He will help us to mature spiritually.

The “one who lives in the world” is the devil and he is the ruler of this world, for now.  Someday, he will be chained and cast into hell for a period of one thousand years.  Right now, he is on a rampage devouring as many souls as he can.  The devil is the instigator and the cheerleader for death and destruction everywhere on Earth.  People ask, “Why is there so much suffering in the world and injustice and tragedy and horror and fear and uncontrolled hate?”  Why does it feel like love is dying in the hearts of human beings?

The reason is that the devil is on a mission to destroy every soul that he can, in every country of the world.  There is a second reason for the decay of  planet  Earth and its inhabitants.  All of us have sin in our lives, but most of us have not repented and turned away from our sin.  Sin is a festering cancer that only gets worse over time and it is designed to kill us, sometimes quickly, sometimes slowly.  The devil is the father of all lies and there is nothing but hatred, violence, vengeance, contempt and murderous deceit in his filthy heart.  He waits with infinite patience on the sidelines of our lives for the opportunity to infect us with his hatred.  The devil creates chaos, fear and hatred in our hearts with the aim of destroying us and everyone that we love.

How do I know this?  Because the devil paid a visit to me when I was a sophomore in high school and planted the seeds of addiction in my life, and then sat back with glee in his eyes for the next 28 years, as my drug addiction tore my life apart.  All it takes is an opening, and he is able to penetrate our souls.  What kind of openings?

Addiction provides the devil with openings or gateways to our soul.  There are probably dozens if not hundreds of different types of addiction: Chemical addiction, gambling, food, sex, money, power, work, exercise, relationships, etc.  It is estimated that one in ten people are addicted, making addiction one of the most serious and threatening of all health problems worldwide.

Each of these addictions opens up a window in our hearts, minds, bodies and souls for the devil to climb into.  Addiction is for life, it never goes away, but it can be arrested and put into a dormant state.  To keep it dormant takes daily vigilance and devotion to build our spiritual strength and maturity.  Addicts are constitutionally selfish and self-centered, and so working with others and doing service work, keeps us keep on track and protects us from temptation.  A grateful heart stays sober.

Here is a very powerful letter that I wrote to the disease of addiction:

Letter to the Demon of Chemical Dependency

I met you in the summer of my 16th year.  Life was brand new, fun and exciting.  However, inside there was an aching loneliness, a smoldering fear at the bottom of a spiritual void.  I was fertile soil for you to plant your deadly seed.

You have many angels of death and destruction like cards in your hand, and you dealt me marijuana to warm me up for your game.  You were so clever to start with pot, knowing that my mom’s alcoholism had made me fearful of alcohol.  I fell in love with pot, and alcohol soon followed.  These two drugs made me feel normal.  They made me feel calm, energized and powerful.  I fell for your bait — hook, line and sinker.  By high school graduation, you were my lover and my savior.  I even stopped praying to God.  You smiled in quiet satisfaction at my progress towards destruction.

You taught me early on how to live a double life, as I excelled in academics and sports while staying emotionally immature and isolated from my family and non-using friends.  You wanted me all to yourself, like a jealous lover.  I ran to you for emotional comfort and release from stress, as I became a stranger to myself.

You told me I could have my cake and eat it, too.  I could have the companionship of your three soldiers:  Alcohol, pot and cocaine, and still be materially successful.  I did not know the horrific price I would have to pay.

Lying to me was just one of your tools to accomplish your ultimate goal — my death.  You seduced me with sweet smelling pot, exhilarating cocaine, and comforting alcohol.  In the early years of my 28-year relationship with your chemicals, I had fun, wonderment, exhilaration and friendship with your other wayward travelers.  Eventually, happiness turned to hell as I was stripped of my dignity, my self-respect, my connection to God and my family, and I became alienated from my very self.  You raped me of all my morals and values, and reduced me to a pile of dirty rags — a beggar and homeless drunk.  You cut me deep inside and stole my soul, leaving only an empty shell of a person riddled with pain, fear, desperation, hopelessness, anger, rage, and a crushed spirit.  I became numb.

You were like a ravenous bloodthirsty parasite sucking the life out of me, enjoying my slow torture.  Twenty-eight years of living hell was the price I paid to dance with you.

Even after suffering incomprehensible demoralization, I turned against myself and joined your chemical soldiers in the battle to win my destruction.  You killed my friend Mike in high school, and a month ago, my friend Jessie.

  • I lost my marriage.
  • I lost my career.
  • I became homeless.
  • I had five near-death experiences.
  • I lost my dreams.
  • I lost all the important relationships with family and friends.
  • I lost my dog.
  • I lost my drive and ambition.
  • I lost my self-confidence and my self-respect.
  • I lost my connection to God.
  • I violated my values and became a thief and a predator.
  • I was arrested 15 times, spent ten months in jail, and was in 13 treatment centers.
  • I lost the love inside my soul, and was filled with anger, rage, fear, desperation, terror and hopelessness.
  • I lost my faith and my trust in people and in myself.

I could add many things to this list, but you get the idea — you killed me in every possible way except by taking my physical life, and you came close to that five times.  This is what I call one hell of a blind date.

I hate you with every cell in my body. I am shocked at your diligence and persistence to obtain your goal — to kill me.

I look at you — the disease of addiction — as a highly intelligent, cunning, baffling and powerful evil being, which never rests and is always present, waiting for an opening to strike.  I wish I could see your red devil eyes and your blood-dripping fangs, but you are invisible.

You are more powerful than I, but if I could, I would kill you, slowly and deliciously over 28 years I would kill you, relishing your every cry.  I hate you even more because you have hurt my friends, my mother, and others that I love.  You just keep getting bigger and bigger, and the world is your playground.

I never knew that I would be forced to have a relationship with you — the disease — for the rest of my life.  I have stopped feeding you by no longer walking with your chemical soldiers.  I have the power of God, my fellow recovering addicts, A.A. and my sponsor to keep you at bay.  As long as I continue to do on a daily basis what I need to do to stay sober and to grow spiritually, you will never be able to resume your task of destroying me.

As for your chemical soldiers, I respect and fear them, but they, too, can have no power over me as long as I choose not to use them.  Good-bye, pot.  Good-bye, alcohol.  Good-bye, cocaine.  I have found a new solution and His name is Jesus Christ.

I am living proof that Jesus’ love works to heal the addict and to provide a brand new life full of hope, love and a desire to help others.  By the Grace of God, I have been blessed with 18 years of sobriety, a beautiful wife, a peaceful home , a son, two grandchildren and two West Highland Terrier dogs.  I am being given many opportunities to help other addicts, and I have gratitude in my heart.  I survived 28 years of addiction, 13 treatment centers, manic depression and a year of homelessness living on the streets of Denver, Colorado.  I am Jesus’s miracle.  If I can get sober, anyone can get sober!  Please check out my book, “Saved By the Prince Of Peace–Dungeon To Sky,”  The website is: dungeontosky.com

Peace, Love and Blessings to you.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

About The Author

Robert J. Allison lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife Rochelle Allison. Robert survived a 28-year battle with chemical dependency, including 13 chemical dependency treatment centers and homelessness. He surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and began his new life of faith and contented sobriety. Robert has been blessed with 18 years of sobriety and with his new freedom he now is helping other addicts to find peace, faith and the priceless gift of sobriety.

JESUS ON THE CROSS

Each day when I wake up I am not always consistent and self- disciplined to take focused time to spend with God.  Although I know the magnificent power of prayer and meditation, I often get distracted by my own fears and worries of the new day.  There are days when I wake up and start working before I take the time to brush my teeth, and the day quickly consumes me in a frantic, hurried pace that only brings me stress, unrest and a feeling like my life is out of control. 

The central problem is that I am relying only on my own human power and my own fallible strength.  I attempt to take on the problems of my life, and sometimes the problems of the world, when I was designed by God to have strength for just one day at a time.  There are  times when I drift away from asking Jesus to help me and to give me strength, or to thank him with a grateful heart for His Love and protection.  During these “times in the dark desert” I am like a blind man caught in a thunderstorm in the middle of a violent night.  I can hear the thunder and I can sense the lightening, but every step is full of threatening fear.  Am I about to step off of a tall cliff?   Where am I?

Faith is like a gas tank.  My human spirit must be renewed and strengthened and empowered by spending quiet times of prayer and meditation with Jesus, who is the Creator of all things.  It is amazing to me how I can go through a time in the dark desert, with little or no contact with Jesus, and then feel empty inside and full of vague fear and anxiety. Then when I return to Jesus, He is there waiting for me.  I am the lost sheep and He is my Shepherd.  Only Jesus can fill up my gas tank of faith and fill me with power and peace.

  Twenty Four Hours A Day” readings:

April 28

 “God’s eternal quest must be the tracking down of souls.  You should join Him in His quest.  Through briars, through waste places, through glades, up mountain heights, down into valleys.  God leads you.  But ever with His leadership goes your helping hand.  Glorious to go where the Leader goes.  You are seeking lost sheep.  You are bringing the good news into places where it has not been known before.  You may not know which soul you will help, but you can leave all results up to God.  Just go with him in His eternal quest for souls.”

May 29:

“I will try to help others, I will try not to let a day pass without reaching out an arm of love to someone.  Each day I will try to do something to lift another human being out of the sea of discouragements into which he or she has fallen.  My helping hand is needed to raise the helpless to courage, to strength, to faith, to health.  In my own gratitude, I will turn and help other alcoholics with the burden that is pressing too heavily upon them.”

Matthew 1:23;  Colossians 2:6-7

Jesus Calling” book:

May 30:

“Time with Me cannot be rushed.  When you are in a hurry, your mind flitters back and forth between Me and the tasks ahead of you.  Push back the demands pressing in on you:  create a safe space around you, a haven in which you can rest with Me.  I also desire this time of focused attention and I use it to bless you, strengthening and equipping you for the day ahead.  Thus, spending time with Me is a wise investment.  Bring Me the sacrifice of your precious time.  This creates sacred space around you—space permeated with My Presence and My Peace.” 

Psalm 119:27;   Chronicles 16:9;  Hebrews 13:15  (NKIV)

Every one of us has access to the greatest power in the universe, the Creator of all things, Jesus Christ.  Just go talk with him each day and build your relationship with Him.  Peace, Love and Blessings to you each day!

 

 

About The Author

Robert J. Allison lives in Saint Paul, Minnesota with his wife Rochelle Allison. Robert survived a 28-year battle with chemical dependency, including 13 chemical dependency treatment centers and homelessness. He surrendered his life to Jesus Christ and began his new life of faith and contented sobriety. Robert has been blessed with 18 years of sobriety and with his new freedom he now is helping other addicts to find peace, faith and the priceless gift of sobriety.